In & Out of Season

from dread to praise

2008-07-23T22:31:00.003+08:00

...and double blech!

That is the immediate feeling after spending six hours working on five currencies for three months of finances. There is little I find more life-draining than thinking about or working with money and numbers.

However, last quarter's quarterly financial report is complete. It's been hanging over my head. I've dreaded it and avoided it (as usual) but now it's done and I can breathe a sigh of relief.

I had two dreams in the early morning that I remember. The first one was what seemed to be Japan. I was looking at an apartment that I was obviously thinking about moving into, and I kept discovering more rooms and that the apartment was so much larger than I thought. I was so pleased that it was going to be so cheap (just 4 man yen...about 400 dollars). I turned around and Ben startled me...somehow I knew he was there but didn't expect him to be in the room, and he was looking at me like he was about to play a prank.

The second dream was a praise dream. I don't know where I was but it was a grand place and there were lots of people from around the world there...and we were singing praises at the top of our lungs. Now and then, I have dreams like this. This one woke me up, and I felt so full of joy. I couldn't fall back asleep.

So I got up and felt a ton of energy (the most I've felt in a while). I was SO PRODUCTIVE today - completing my discipleship study from Mark, finances (leftover income tax stuff, quarterly report), 2 loads of laundry, completed & sent out my monthly prayer requests, purchased airplane tickets for my trip to Thailand, caught up on email.

So...I have one life draining moment of today, but it's counterbalanced by many life giving highlights. Thanks, God.

thru new lenses

2008-07-04T13:07:00.003+08:00

...or should I say, through a different set of eyes?

SOYMILK has begun the discipleship study of Mark's gospel. Saturday was our first time to split into our groups and share what we learned from chapter one. Some, of course, did not complete the task but growing being refined is generally a process rather than an overnight transformation.

Our group chose the question "What did Jesus see?" and the statement "As Jesus' disciple, I will see what He saw" for our DC (discipleship challenge). This time we'll do it as a group. We plan to go to the airport next Sunday at 5 PM and watch people for a couple of hours then we'll discuss it later. (Thanks Mike Rush, for the idea of airport rap...)

I don't find it coincidental that this question hit me hardest and that recently I feel like I'm seeing things differently. Perhaps it's because I've ended another plateau of adjustment in Singapore and I've learned we continue to go through waves of adjustment. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm consciously aware of trying to see as Jesus saw.

In any case, it started off with Pak Fook inviting me to go to Little India two weeks ago after worship and lunch. I've been to Little India before, but it's a whole different experience on Sundays when everyone has the day off. Going to that place and seeing the masses of people, seeing women (and men dressed as women) waiting for "gentlement visitors" and witnessing worship in the Tamil language (at Methodist and Catholic churches)...I felt like I was seeing a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT Singapore than I've ever experienced before. It made me think about bringing some of the youth, who are all a different cultural subgroup than this, and expose them to a different part of their own nation than what they experience day-to-day and just listen to their observations and reactions.

This morning, we met Kong Jo at the airport. He begins a new chapter in his life of university in Perth, Australia. I watched him. I watched his parents. I watched his girlfriend, and the youth. By asking God to help me to see with Jesus' eyes, I felt like I could see differently.

This afternoon, I went to McDonald's for lunch because it was hot and I wanted to be in a place with a/c. There was a Malay man sleeping at a table. I noticed him right away because I sat in the empty section at the back. I've not seen him before (hey, I'm starting to recognize the people in this neighbourhood...). School children were also there. One very round Indian boy noticed the man, and called his friends' (of varied ethnicity) attention to it. I watched them - some alone, some in small groups - each take turns taking a peek. Some were surprised, others laughed or cringed because they felt nervous, disgusted or thought it was funny/wierd. Some went for a second or third peek. Their reactions caught the attention of the cleaning auntie. She stood there for awhile, and her presence was enough to divert the children away. She disappeared, and a while later the manager appeared. The manager woke him up and kindly but firmly told him that he cannot sleep in the restaurant...but I noticed she didn't tell him to leave. He sat up and drifted in and out of consciousness. He looked at me more than a few times, and I tried to look into his eyes out of care for him. When cacophony arrived with a group of seven older Chinese people, he quietly slipped away. In fact, I had looked elsewhere and when I turned back, he was gone.

Tons of questions filled my mind. Who is this man? What would Jesus have REALLY seen in this situation? What did the man see when he looked at me, or looked at others? For how long would the children talk about it and would they tell their parents? How would their parents react (with fear, with disgust, with compassion, with a racial joke or slur) and how would that reaction shape what the kids would see in the future?

I'm looking forward to our group challenge next Sunday. Andris will be away in Austria, but she will try to do it on her own. I hope everyone else in my group (Kevin, Jeremy C, Daniel, Keith, Nicholas) can be there for the challenge.

There is a lot that has happened since my last post, and I know I fell off the wagon. But I'm back on again, and will try to "fill in the blanks" when I return from Penang and elsewhere.

God, give us eyes to see as Jesus sees the world around us and the people in it.

sepet

2008-05-06T21:13:00.003+08:00

Talked with my parents and brother today. It was good to hear their voices. I hadn't talked to any of them since I arrived in Singapore, so it was nice to share a lot about life and experiences here.

Pak Fook has been introducing me to several research materials, journals and books for both personal growth and for future ministry in Asia. He also has introduced me to many quality movies (like, "I Not Stupid") that give insights into culture. One of my recent favourites is "Sepet" (which apparently means Chinese Eyes) by Yasmin Ahmad which explores a lot about race and culture through a love story between a Chinese man and Malay woman in Malaysia.

Today, Pak Fook showed me a commercial by Yasmin Ahmad that I simply HAVE to share. It won an award, but it also wins an award from me. It goes along the same lines as Sepet, and the children's expressions (especially Hong Ming) are wonderful. There are two others, "He, She" and "Race" that don't grab my heart in the same way, but they're still good. I'm including the dialogue following the video in case you can't understand what the kids are saying. I hope you enjoy it, and maybe I'll have a chance to comment more deeply about my thoughts/feelings at a later date.

Hong Ming: Her name is Ummi. Ummi Qazrina. I like her.
Yasmin: Why do you like her?
Hong Ming: She wears earrings, she will tie her ponytail, um...she’s pretty...
Yasmin: What do you wish to say to her?
Hong Ming: Do you wanna come on a date? Um…to a romantic dinner.
Yasmin: And, em, does she know you like her?
Hong Ming: No, I keep it a secret.
Yasmin: Why?
Hong Ming: I don’t want the whole world to know!
Yasmin: Why not?
Hong Ming: Because everybody will laugh at me.
Yasmin: Why should they laugh at you?
Hong Ming: Ha?
Yasmin: Why should they laugh at you?
Hong Ming: She doesn’t like me.
Yasmin: She doesn’t like you?
Hong Ming: (Shakes his head "no")

Ummi: My name is Ummi Qazrina.
Yasmin: Who’s your best friend?
Ummi: Tan Hong Ming.
Yasmin: Tan Hong Ming?
Ummi: (Nods)
Yasmin: Do you like him?
Ummi: (Silence)
Yasmin: Do you have a boyfriend?
Ummi: (Nods yes)
Yasmin: Who’s your boyfriend?
Ummi: Tan Hong Ming.

happy birthday, dad

2008-05-05T02:28:00.003+08:00

My dad turns 68 today. I know 68 isn't really old - as I get older, I'm convinced our concept of "young" and "old" is based upon our perspective - but it also doesn't seem entirely real that Dad is sixty-eight years old.

At the core, Dad and I are such different people even though obvious fingerprints of him are within me. For example, Dad values privacy and independence when I'd rather be "in the thick" of the people and the activity/action. But just as I have never questioned my father's commitment to God or to my Mom, I have felt secure that Dad desired and actively cultivated a good, strong relationship with me. My father places high premium on loyalty and trust. He speaks praise of my mother to me. He listens to me and encourages me, and reinforces his belief in me and my abilities.

When I think about my high school years and beyond, Dad could be found sitting in the quiet of the living room, pouring over Scripture and sharing an insight he'd learned if I stuck around long enough. I have been in the car when he's done many unseen, unspoken acts of kindness in providing for others. He was quick to encourage and support any opportunities where I might grow and receive different exposure. As I get older I appreciate many sacrifices made for me to take advantage of Christian education, travelling, mission and ministry experiences, music pursuits and the list goes on.

As I celebrate my father's life today, this is but a glimpse of what I appreciate about the man I call "Dad" and to whom I seek to bring honour. I am grateful that God has blessed me and I just want to say thank you and happy birthday to you, Dad.

ohisashiburi

2008-05-05T02:05:00.002+08:00

That's what we say in Japanese when we see someone we haven't met for quite a while. Yoshinori breezed out of Singapore tonight as quickly as he breezed into the country last night. It was TOTALLY unexpected for me (two days before his departure, he sent an email to my hotmail account, which I hardly check). As I watched him clear immigration and walk towards his gate, I realized how much I needed to see him, and what a blessing that it was for me.

I'm sad that we didn't have time for deeper conversation, but both less than 24 hours and so many friends to see prevented it from happening. But I felt gratitude to be with him, and I told him I wished for more time. The last 30-40 minutes at tcc (one of my favourite places in Singapore!) we were blessed with protected conversation in Japanese. Isn't it funny how some people can pick up where we left off as if no time had passed since the last time we saw each other? "Poshipori" is one of those people for me. I was reminded that our decision to set aside programs and focus, rather, on specific relationships was one of the best shifts God brought to our attention, and then gifted us with the courage to follow through in making the shift. Thank you, God.

Another blessing today was having the opportunity to witness and be thankful for my friends here in Singapore. I am definitely becoming attached and it will be hard to leave. I marveled as I sensed and experienced God's presence at the SOYMILK cell - his work amongst the group as a whole, but also how I can see God shaping the faith journeys of some of the older, leader-types. It is a unique opportunity for me to be on the sidelines and actively listen/watch for His refinement of these people. I was touched by the warmth of the Bedok church family again today in worship, in fellowship and in the acceptance and affirmation I have received. And most of all, the testimony of God's activity was clearly shown in the hearts of those who sought to greet, host and pour time/love into my dear friend from Japan.

i not stupid

2008-04-30T01:26:00.003+08:00

Crim called me this morning and we talked for almost two and a half hours. It was wonderful. I miss her - and I'm excited that she'll arrive in Japan while I'm there.

I haven't been feeling well for the last couple of days. So after struggling to do some work, I decided to lay down at 4:15 because I had a headache and was feeling just horrible. When I woke up, it was 8:07 already! So I got up and made some mushroom soup for dinner, and ate that with some bread I bought at Marche on Sunday night. I also was surprised with a phone call from Debi - two phone calls in one day! It was so good to hear her voice and hear about Godo Reihai in Ibaraki. She, Sasha, Akiko and Yuko all went together. Earlier in the day I was thinking about it and felt a little sad that I was missing out this year.

Tonight I watched the movie "I Not Stupid" (no, I didn't make a mistake in the title). It is a drama, but one with a purpose of examining/commenting upon Singapore's education system and culture. Pak Fook recommended it. I found myself in tears several times.

It gave me lots to think about. And it made me miss my Mom, and be thankful for her.

my first undeveloped thoughts for 2008

2008-01-07T14:25:00.000+08:00

"The heavens declare your glory..."

I still haven't figured out what it is.

That is, I haven't answered the deeper question of why I'm so drawn to God's holiness. Any song that dwells on who He is, why He's deserving of praise, and specifically His unique holiness speaks to me on a deeper level.

I overheard my sister-in-law comment to my mother that she thinks God anointed me with a heart of worship.

In the background is my new favourite CD by the University of Toronto Gospel Choir, "Send Me", and beside me is the book I'm currently digesting, "Emerging Worship: Creating Worship Gatherings for New Generations" by Dan Kimball. Last night, Debi, Sasha, Akira and I attended a worship gathering for English speakers in Sendai...and ever since, I have felt as if God's presence was tangible.

Do you ever have those moments where worship not only transforms you, but brings you to a new depth in seeking His holiness and becoming more intimate with him?

reader's digest version...with pictures even!

2007-08-28T11:04:00.000+08:00

Okay. Pull out the oxygen and revive yourselves. Here's an entry.

I am known amongst family and friends as...shall we say, "Verbose"? My friends Heather and Moses call it "shaggy dog". Crimsen tells me her family makes jokes about how long my guestbook messages are. And my sister Laura always tells me, "Okay, hurry up and get to the point. Give me the reader's digest version." So here is the reader's digest version of April through August 2007.

April - spent most of my time doing LST prep, pining over the kids from Cambodia and all the AWESOME Christian youth in Asia that I met, and thinking about what's happening in my life. Gaku also moved in with Ben and I, so that he could begin to study the Bible and experience a relationship with God on a more tangible level.

May - took a spontaneous trip to Germany and France (planned 3 weeks ahead) to go see Crimsen and to prolong burnout from setting in. (My flights were paid for through redeemed air miles!) Then, I scrambled to complete preparation for LST.

June & July - LST dominated my life. Virtually no days off for two months. A good team from York came to do LST, and two awesome MAP interns were a-"Hmong" us (A & Kao). Our FriendsCamp was also awesome, and we had a great team from our sponsoring churches. Many awesome faith conversations, many seeds planted...praying for a harvest from the Lord.

August - rushed off to Bali, Indonesia to host the AMF, and celebrated 17 years as a Christian on August 1st. The AMF was fabulous - got to see many loved ones from all over Asia and from North America! Got sick from pushing myself too hard. Had a wonderful visit from Dottie and Steve when we returned. We hosted and celebrated Shi's wedding, sang our last concerts and have begun preparation for the next stage of work and life. I'm proud to share that I successfully executed a day-long date and surprise birthday party for Debi's 25th birthday. We found out Crimsen's mom has cancer, which also has thrown many new questions into the future, but we are so excited to see things progressing in a good way for her. And more exciting news: Akiko is going to Thailand to be a mission apprentice!!!

There's much more...but that would mean shaggy dog stories. And now you know why I have been allergic to blogging. No time. No energy.

Okay...this was still a lengthy entry, but you have to give me credit for summarizing five months (and five of the busiest months of my life).

happy birthday gaku

2007-03-23T23:29:00.000+08:00

The night before we left for Cambodia, we celebrated Gaku's birthday. Ben & Erica, Debi & I, Akiko and Gaku enjoyed some Ramen and then went to Baskin Robbins for some ice cream. Here are some of the "very serious" pictures we took.

goodbye to bjorn the bear

2007-03-10T22:06:00.000+08:00

When he first joined our time of worship, Ben and I were in Hachinohe. Needless to say, my image based on Crimsen's comments about Bjorn didn't AT ALL match what I saw when I picked him up from the church to eat dinner with us. Over the past year, we've definitely had some interesting times with "Bjorn the Bear" hanging around (he informed us that his name means 'bear' in Swedish).

Tonight we took him to eat Jingiskan (grilled lamb meat and vegetables) and to watch him play volleyball for the last time. His parents will arrive from Sweden while we're in Cambodia, and they'll leave before we return. I'm really going to miss him when he goes. He told me tonight that, of all the people he met in Japan, he will not forget Crimsen because she was such a bright person of hope with such a clear love for people.

Bjorn has a real gift for being able to talk to anyone, and his faith so naturally flows through whatever he shares. He is tender hearted, has a zany sense of humor (that no one understands!), he really loves people and wants to serve God with his entire being. Bjorn joined us for Christmas this year, and also attended the BTS concert in Saitama with us. He's called me many times to let me know he's praying for me and my work. He asks for God's blessing in our travels. He always has a word of appreciation when I lead worship, and encourages me. At a recent Valentine's Party, he told me I'm so talented he thinks I'll be on CBS someday! He's first to volunteer his help, and he's not a complainer. You can count on Bjorn to show up at whatever people gathering is planned. God has really blessed our little community of His family with Bjorn's presence.

I ask God to flourish Bjorn's faith and to lead him in this next step of his life. Bjorn shared with me that he desires to return to Japan someday if the Lord will open a way. I'm joining Bjorn in petitioning God to open that way, and would ask you to join us in that prayer.

thoughts about the week

2007-02-21T17:54:00.000+08:00

There is an unspeakable richness and depth shared in community.

I remember as a university student, Scott Lambert referred to my "era" as the "Friends Generation". Reflected in pop culture sitcoms, my peers have been identified for valuing and living in "tribes". Perhaps that is one reason I have found greater joy in my work the last week or so. Over this year, I have been transitioning from a binding schedule that is program-based and driven by measurable accomplishment, and moving towards a life and ministry that seeks to experience community and contribute to the people in that community.

The last two Wednesdays, several have gathered for lunch. Last week, Akira and Mitsuyo baked bread, and made soup and salad. Thirteen of us gathered - a mix of ages, both Christian and non-Christian. Today, Mitsuyo made spring rolls, mabodofu, suiton & wonton soup, pasta salad and fruit salad. I also brought birthday cake for Mawatari-sensei and Keiko's birthdays. There were fifteen of us around the table today, and again such a variety of people. One of the best parts is that I haven't planned it, cooked for it or cleaned up afterwards. For once, I can be an active participant. This is renewing and refreshing after feeling like I've been stewing in a crockpot of stress for several weeks.

We've also done nabe (meal in a large soup pot), jingis khan (grilled vegetables and lamb), hayashi (similar to curry), and have gone out for a simple cup of coffee. It's the end of the school year in Japan, so everyone is now taking advantage of any excuse to gather for this meal, and for that event, and we've even made up reasons to be able to share life, food and conversation together.

When I reflect on "Communion" - both Lord's Supper and our relationship with the Spirit of God - this is my idea of a similar experience to what Jesus himself experienced. More than a ceremonial silence and a few minutes devoted to prayer while nibbling on bland matzo and sipping Welch's grape juice, it is a time for the family to gather around the table to share life and faith.

This is what I desire for the communities of faith (churches) in Japan. I believe it is this intimate time with our Creator and with each other that seekers taste and begin to crave. God is good, so let's eat and drink deeply of Him and His word. And let's lavishly share it with those around us.

What a richness that is shared in community!

around the neighbourhood

2007-02-08T14:53:00.000+08:00

Today I'm going to walk around my neighbourhood and pray. Since we've come back from Osaka, a lot of my perspective on life, faith and mission are in a state of re-evaluation. (You should read my friend, Judith's blog for more about Osaka. Perhaps I will share more about this in another blog myself.)

Anyhow, last week Ben and I went on the Tohoku University campus to eat lunch and to see what God was going to do, and to see what He wanted us to do. Before leaving the house, we climbed in the car and prayed. We drove to the university, went to the cafeteria and ate lunch. We also saw two friends we haven't seen in a long time who used to attend different activities. It was good to reconnect - had we not gone, we probably wouldn't have seen one of them ever again. We also walked around the campus a little to become familiar with it, and to spark some new areas for prayer.

Today, I'm going to do the same with our neighbourhood. I don't know what God wants to do or what He wants to show me, or who He wants me to meet, but I'm going to go for a walk and pray. Perhaps some of the people living in these homes have never had someone pray for their family specifically.

yo-ku benimaru addiction

2007-02-08T14:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, for all of you not schooled in Japan's grocery stores, Yo-ku Benimaru happens to be my favorite. There are lots of other superstores even more "American", but what can I say? I am a loyal customer through and through. It doesn't mean I don't step foot into another grocery store (I do shop elsewhere), but I am one of those people who goes to the same grocery store because I know EXACTLY where everything is, I know EXACTLY what I can and can't get, and I recognize several of the workers and even some of the other customers.

And that's really what this post is about - not an addiction to the store but to another customer. I've seen this lady several times. At first, I found her rather annoying (in Japan, we say she was "meiwaku") because her large voice could be heard practically anywhere by anyone...and we just don't do that in Japan. (By the way, I am laughing hysterically as I write this entry. I was telling Ben about her and he said I needed to blog it.)

Everything about her is BIG. She has a big body, a big face and big head, a big voice, and big opinions to go along with a big personality. She is as a-typical Japanese as I have yet to find. She talks NON-stop to every worker about anything and everything that enters her mind, and they politely smile and nod and keep working...and sometimes walk away from her. She does her shopping in no organized manner, either, but seemingly walks around the store several times. I admit to knowing this because now, every time I see her, I follow her to watch and listen. The woman I first found annoying has really grown on me, and I'm now addicted by intrigue caused by this lady. At first, I thought maybe there was something wrong with her. But upon several observations, I've decided nope...she's just LOUD AND DIFFERENT.

Okay, so maybe you think I'm wierd for following this lady around, but I promise you, if you "experienced" her, you would want to do the same.

...I wonder if she notices me following her?

father of mercies

2006-12-16T15:09:00.000+08:00

To complete my last post, I want to include the beautiful poem we sing in worship.

"Father of Mercies"
by Frederick W. Faber and Alice Flowerdew

Father of mercies, day by day
My love to Thee grows more and more;
Thy gifts are strewn upon my way
Like sands upon the great seashore,
Like sands upon the great seashore.

Father of mercies, God of love,
Whose gentle gifts all creatures share,
The rolling seasons as they move
Proclaim to all Thy constant care,
Proclaim to all Thy constant care.

Father of mercies, may our hearts
Ne'er overlook Thy bounteous care;
But what our Father's hand imparts
Still own in grateful praise and prayer,
Still own in grateful praise and prayer.

in & out of season

2006-12-16T14:28:00.000+08:00

More than a year after I've begun this blog, and after several people have asked me to explain the name, I am finally going to get it written out so that I can "refer" people to this entry when they ask.

One of my delights in life is the four seasons. It's also a reason why I've enjoyed the three places I've lived (Ontario, Nebraska, Sendai). I especially feel that the Japanese are keenly aware of the seasons and have preserved the distinct nature of each season in their art, music, food and culture. Growing up in Ontario, in the heartland of fruit farming, my memories are filled of joining my mother and aunt in picking the fruit of the season to be cooked, preserved or eaten fresh. While Autumn is my favorite season, and Summer my least favorite, I do enjoy and value what God brings to us in each season. In Japan, while it feels like winter, we will technically enter the winter season next week.

Philosophically speaking, we also talk about the "seasons of life", or the various seasons of our faith development. In a roundabout way, even a day reflects this pattern. As I write this entry, we are in the Autumn of the day. In my chronological and chronological faith life, I would be considered to be in the summer - though, we never know how many days we will live...so I don't really know. In my faith, I would consider myself to be in two other cycles. As a missionary in Japan, most of my work is tilling and planting seeds, or nurturing those seeds - a Spring and Summer. In the faith seasons connected to my personal relationship with Jesus, I would identify with a Summer or Autumn time of faith.

There are several passages in the Bible which also speak metaphorically or symbolically about seasons. There is the passage in Ecclesiastes where Solomon shares wisdom about "...a time and season for everything." The great missionary, Paul, also encourages his young friend, Timothy, to "...be prepared in and out of season..." with his knowledge and use of the gospel, and the relationship with Jesus that the gospel brings. These passages have taken on greater, deeper meaning as I get older - especially as a missionary, minister and friend.

When I was a high school student, our English teacher (who was one of the best teachers I've ever had!), Mr. Scott Miller, introduced us to a piece of literature, called "A Man For All Seasons", which tells the story of Sir Thomas More and his relationship to King Henry VIII of England. It was crucial to our faith development, as much as to our literary and historical understanding, because we joined More in facing the dilemma of choosing to put greater weight on the belief that God had given Henry lordship and authority, and therefore to obey and support Henry in his break from the Catholic church, or to put greater weight on his belief in God's revealed truth about the holiness of the gift of marriage and in the Christian family/community, for which we understand as the assigned meaning of "church". This story and it's implications have stuck with me these several years later.

Finally, one of my favorite hymns, "Father of Mercies", has a line in it's poetry which I treasure: "The rolling seasons as they move proclaim to all thy constant care." The seasons remind us of God's abiding presence, and that He is the Giver of All Good Gifts. Everything in our world needs the seasons to be as they are (whether it's 2 seasons, 4 seasons, 5 seasons...) in order to continue. The trees need the rest provided by the winter in order to respond to spring rains which produce blossoms and are pollinated by the bees and warmed by the summer sun so that we might harvest its fruit in the autumn. And so the cycle continues. And so God provides what we need.

This is a hodgepodge of ideas, but a brief explanation of my thinking and it reflects my life and what kind of person I want to be. While I'll never be an observer so widely recognized as Annie Dillard, I do believe that we learn much about ourselves as humans, about the world around us and about the God who has created it all and provides for us through the seasons.

Thus, the name "In & Out of Season" was given for this blog.

i wonder...

2006-12-16T14:11:00.000+08:00

This morning, I ate breakfast at St. Marc's with Gaku, one of my closest friends in Japan. It was a great morning - good food, good background music, good company and conversation...even the weather was nice in the morning time.

Gaku asked me about my blog (which reminded me of two things: a) it's time for another entry, and b) I need to explain why I chose this name for my blog), and through that question, we began a much deeper conversation. We talked about many things including the meaning of life and death, afterlife, worship, the meaning and purpose of the seasonal cycle, creation and evolution. I also shared one of my favorite biographical stories about a missionary family who left Africa with no known conversions and had experienced incredible hardship and loss of life. Years later, a daughter went back to Africa when she was an older woman to see that place again and met an older man who told her that when he was a little boy, he had been taught and cared for by her mother. Some years after their family had left, he became a Christian, and was used by God to convert his entire village.

Anyway, around the same time this deeper conversation began, a couple came to the restaurant and were seated at the table beside us. I know that they were eavesdropping on our conversation - especially the husband. I always wonder what God will do with that.

births and deaths

2006-12-12T23:48:00.000+08:00

I know it has been a long time since I've written. I have received some flack for it again...but those who give me a hard time need to get a life a remember that this is for fun to share my thoughts, reflections and life...when I have TIME to do so.

It has been a rollercoaster few weeks. My mom called this afternoon - both by the time of day, and by the fact that I had just talked to her the day before, I knew something was wrong. She called to tell me that her younger brother, my Uncle Randy, passed away sometime during the day on Monday, December 11. At first, I was shocked, then sad, and feel myself moving back and forth between sadness and disbelief. The biggest sadness is not having said goodbye, nor having the closure of being at the funeral tomorrow. We didn't have much contact, but Uncle Randy was always a very kind-hearted person to me. He always spoke well of my parents and with great respect, too, for Auntie Val. He had a tough life, and was compassionate to others whose life was challenging. I have a memory of Uncle Randy sitting on the couch at my house the day after my grandfather died. He was crying really hard, and it was the first time I recalled seeing a grown man cry. Now we mourn for him, less than 20 years later.

Another moment of sadness was the miscarriage of Ben's sister's baby. Janessa was four months pregnant, and found out at her check up. The funeral service for the baby was today.

The flipside was the birth announcements of Atsuko's baby boy, Yuzuki, and Chihiro's baby boy...yet to be named. Atsuko is our LST friend and a seeker. Chihiro became a Christian a few years ago, got married to a kind, Christian man named Joji and moved to Yokohama.

Birth and death. In some strange way, they seem to go hand in hand.

i lift up my eyes

2006-11-10T08:48:00.000+08:00

The other day, Moses asked me, "How long were you at this conference?" I replied that it was only a little over two days. But I realized the true implication of his question. The way I was going on and on in my reflection tells a different heart story. It was only a little over two days but it was a cup of cool, refreshing water in the desert. And I realized that I'm on the edge of the desert and headed back into green pastures.

For me, it was more than just "a conference". It was a time of renewal. I felt like Ben and I made friends with several others who have a heart for the youth of Japan and who actively seek God's leading in breaking down the impossible barriers to get to them. It was a time of admitting our weakness and sin, and the sin of the young people around us. It was a time of hope.

Audrey and Becky's beautiful voices were so refreshing to worship with. Audrey asked questions we're all asking - Phil's response "It's okay if we don't have the answers yet...because we can't get answers unless we have questions," - and I was excited to see Japan afresh through Audrey's eyes. Ryutaro, Becky and I shared in a time of prayer for Becky that I won't forget. Ryutaro's tender care at the core of himself is priceless. Witnessing Judith's stalwart faith and stick-to-it-ness really encouraged me to keep going. Eriya shared some of his fears in taking on leadership, and we talked about Moses' reaction to God's call. In turn, Eriya spoke words of encouragement into my life in a mealtime conversation that he probably doesn't realize how badly I needed to hear it. Paul also spoke words of affirmation into our lives two different times. Phil and Dan - two of the most intense people I've ever met - just made me excited! You have to love being with intense people because you can't help but get excited about whatever it is they're talking about. Ken blessed me with his heart of worship and with sharing both his gift and his struggles. Our talk on the hike was really important. Andy blessed me with his ability to laugh and his gentle heart. Junpei was a testimony to the meek inheriting the earth. Marc's prayer showed such a commitment to God's word and it's activity in Marc's life. Lowell's vision-casting was inspiring. Matt and Nadine are people I could spend a lot of time with - really creative, but also down to earth and very REAL. Matt's prayer for me affirmed to me his intimate relationship with God. I also found my time with Endo and Makio to be that way - very real, very refreshing. YamaKen has such an open, hospitable presence and I wish we had a couple days just to talk. The rest of the staff at Northstar, too, were so friendly, helpful and servant hearted. And Ben...I have too much to say so I'm just going to have to leave Ben for his own blog entry (one that's long overdue anyhow). Did I forget anybody?

God brings us to mountaintop experiences. I've been at the summit. Now I'm back to my regular ministry, but I'm a different person. And after being on the mountain (literally and metaphorically speaking), I can join David who speaks in his Psalm, "I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth."

picking it back up

2006-11-09T13:13:00.000+08:00

I am regaining the "cutting edge" in my life. At the conference, Phil Cann challenged us to go back to where we dropped our cutting edge and pick it back up, as in the biblical story of Elisha and the man who borrowed an axe.

I felt convicted through his talk to begin anew my commitment to daily reading of Scripture. Perhaps it is shocking that a missionary would struggle with that - but I guess I'll be the one to own up to it and shatter whatever false impression of missionaries someone might have. In any case, I shared with my parents, "I felt like I connected once again with a true heart of worship, and my craving for His word was nurtured."

So...here we are. Week one. Celebrate with me! It's a small victory. I've read each day. This week, I've read Nehemiah, Micah, Psalms 1-21, Isaiah 1-7, 1 & 2 Thessalonians (not including devotional time). I thank God for bringing me this far, and look forward to another week.

a great day off yesterday

2006-11-08T19:45:00.000+08:00

It began by going back to bed just because I could.
Then I got to talk to my best friend, Moses, for 2 hours.
Debi, Erica, Ben and I ate that crockpot soup.
Afterwards, Debi and I went for a walk to a high place.
It's my favorite prayer place that overlooks the neighborhood.
The weather was beautiful - warm and sunny.
We read from Micah, talked and prayed together.
We all ate turkey pie my Mom made from Thanksgiving leftovers.
It was absolutely delicious!
Then we watched "Cars" that came out on DVD today in Japan.
What a great day!

crockpot soup & leftovers

2006-11-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

It's been cold and rainy. We've also had some really strong wind today, which means there won't be many leaves on the trees for much longer. While I have been working constantly, I have felt motivated to do nothing except sit on the couch or cook. When the weather gets like this, I get in a mood to cook.

I started my first batch of soup in a crockpot for this autumn/winter season. It made me think of my sister, Laura. I also needed to use up several bits and pieces of vegetables that would otherwise go bad. That made me think of my mom. She's so good at throwing tons of leftovers together and making something good from it (that is...unless it's a spaghetti and beets casserole!!! YUCK! Glad I wasn't born yet for that NASTY combo! That definitely goes down as a VERY BIG MISTAKE in my mother's otherwise impeccable cooking career). I burned the first batch of beans, though, which ticked me off. I'm glad they were really cheap.

I hope it's cold again tomorrow because it's my day off and I can really just sit on the couch if I want and eat my soup. I think I'll take the turkey pie my mom made out of the freezer and eat that too.

declan

2006-11-03T16:04:00.000+08:00

While everyone else tried an "extreme sport" (does it surprise you that I didn't?) I elected to rest. I could feel the nagging of a cold waiting to happen, and would rather avoid it. I did, however, go outside for a leisurely walk and ended up sitting by the river.

Declan, the conference leader's five yr. old son, came to the river to play. We discovered the joy of dropping leaves into the river and watching them float down until we couldn't see them anymore. Some sank. Some got caught on rocks. But some of them made it really far. Deckland really came to life - just smiling and talking a mile a minute - and he enjoyed most the speedboats (his name for the dried bamboo leaves). It just goes to show that kids still find joy in rocks and sticks for toys.

in my hand

2006-11-02T21:40:00.000+08:00

Lord, what is it that's in my hand?

For Moses, it was a stick.
For Ehud, it was an 18 inch piece of steel.
For Jael, it was a mallet & tent peg.
For David, it was a piece of leather and five stones.
For the boy in the crowd, it was his lunch (bread & fish).
For Peter, it was a confession of faith.
For Jesus, it was the cross.

I give to you what’s in my hand, Father.
Use it for your glory.

the quiet in the rush

2006-11-02T21:39:00.000+08:00

This morning, we had personal renewal time.
One of the Northstar interns led four of us guys to a river.
To our backs was a beautiful waterfall.
Around us were trees, fallen leaves, large rocks, moss.
There were also streams which fed into the river.
And in the rush of the river, there was a quiet.
I felt like I was introduced to time with God once again.
Prayer, songs, scripture, confession, meditation,
Questions, dipping my hands in water and
Painting the rocks with my wet hands.

But I can’t always go to the river.
God said to me, “Where is the quiet in the rush of your life?”
Ouch. That was the question I was afraid of.
God, give me courage and discipline.
Thanks for lavishing me with your presence.

(By the way, two cool nature moments “happened”. The first was I told the Lord I felt far from him and ached for his touch. At that moment, the cloud cover broke for the first time and I felt the warmth of the sun. Secondly, I was singing three songs: “Breath of Heaven”, “Breathe on Me, Breath of God” and “Breathe In Me”. At that moment, a delicious cool breeze washed over me. Again, thank you, God, for lavishing me with your presence.)

last night's prayer

2006-11-02T12:36:00.000+08:00

Well, Ben beat me to the punch in his blog entry yesterday, so be sure to read it. We're at a conference geared for people in ministry with youth (jr/sr high, university and young adult ministry) in Japan (Cutting Edge XL). It's in Nagano prefecture at a camp called Northstar (www.ridenorthstar). Our drive yesterday was long but beautiful. I shared with a friend in an email, though, that the worship and fellowship are even more beautiful.

At the close of last night, we had a time of prayer for the youth of this nation. We were introduced to Nehemiah's prayer in the first chapter of Nehemiah, and then encouraged to confess our sin to the Lord and pray also for the youth and their sins. We were given paper, and instructed to put on rubber gloves. Next, we were given black paint and told to paint our prayer. My picture reflected the needs and hurts caused through teasing and alienation, the hurts of hikkikomorians, sexual sin, oppression through outside forces of expectation and crying tears caused by loneliness, stress, and feelings of worthlessness. We followed this by praying out loud, and then were asked to look at our gloves and the black stains on them. Finally, each of us had our gloves taken off our hands as someone spoke the words Jesus spoke to the adulterous woman, "Go in peace - your sins are forgiven. Go and sin no more."

a day with the kids

2006-10-30T13:23:00.000+08:00

Before I became a missionary, I wanted to be a teacher.

Every now and then, I still get an itch to be with the kids.

Today, Ben and I were invited to speak at the weekly chapel at Mukaiyama kindergarten. Ben told the parable of the Wise Man & Foolish Man to the four year olds, skillfully applying his humor to grab their attention. Kimura-sensei (the principal) told the story of Jesus calling his first disciples to the three year olds. I shared the story of Jesus & Zaccheus to the five year olds.

All over - inside and out - I just felt radiant being with them. When I am with them, I feel a part of me come alive that usually lies dormant. They are such little people, but they are so bright. Some wave madly, recognizing the foreign faces that have visited their classrooms before. The bolder ones run up and hug us or give us high-fives, or ask funny questions like, "Why is your tummy so big? Why are your cheeks so red? Why do you wear glasses? What's your favorite toy?" and so on. Some just stare because it's someone new in their "world". Some shyly hide behind another friend, hoping we'll let them watch from a distance. Some bossily tell others when it's not time to sing or when to stand up. Others need a little "guidance" in how to sit properly in their seat.

I just love to enter their world and be fully present with them.

Mukaiyama has a unique approach and excellent program for their children. To see their website, or to read about their philosophy, please go to the following addresses: http://www.mukaiyama.ac.jp or http://www.tree.or.jp/kohituji/kokusai/english/index.html

ugh

2006-10-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

That's basically how I feel everytime someone asks.
It's the question I've heard at least 9 billion times.
Okay...maybe 10 billion.
"So...what are you doing when the five years are up?"

I waffle.
Sometimes I think, "Why can't I just make a decision?"
But there are so many layers to this decision.
Sometimes I think, "God will reveal it in time."
But some people don't want to wait on God with me.
So, I waffle.

Don't people know they'd know if I knew?

treasured moments

2006-10-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

Over the past three days, these are my treasured moments:

a) making breakfast with Ben for the girls
b) seeing Kiichi at Watage (I love his laugh and smile!)
c) going to Hachinohe
d) pulling off a successful Harvest Party
e) encouraging Chieko
f) studying with Chieko, Masayo & Tomomi
g) having time alone with Ben...even if we were both quiet
h) reading from "Potholes", by Roy Merritt
i) finding cookies on the table from Debi & Erica
j) getting a sweet email from Mom
k) hugging Debi several times
l) having some good prayer time for repentence & thanksgiving
m) being home and sitting on the couch in the quiet

paint-by-numbers vs. freestyle canvas

2006-10-26T11:13:00.000+08:00

Last night, Ben and the girls and I gorged ourselves on Pizza Hut pizza and watched "Phantom of the Opera". After that, Ben and Erica made snickerdoodle cookies while Debi and I worked on a paint-by-numbers picture.

During my shower this morning - my best time for thinking - I thought about faith.

Some people have a kind of "paint-by-numbers" faith. They need to have a prescribed way of thinking and like to have their theology nice and neatly in a box. A relationship with God is based more on knowledge than experience. They find comfort in a worship service that is predictable, familiar and ritualistic. They gravitate to a church family where this kind of theology, relationship with God and worship is protected.

Others are "freestyle canvas" artists with their faith. They like to keep things open and fluid in their approach, understanding and application of scripture. They use language which emphasizes their experience of God. They are happiest in worship that expresses creativity and passion, rejecting a prescribed pattern because people disengage and are, therefore, unchallenged. They commit to communities of faith that allow freedom and variation.

And never the two shall meet.

At least, that's been my experience within my own church heritage. I've come to find out that it's not just our heritage, though. I've also realized that it's not merely generational. Nor cultural. We have people in every church whose hearts ache because they feel abandoned. We have others who feel like they're controlled or suppressed by the loud minority. There is finger wagging on one side, and complete lack of commitment on the other.

Meanwhile, others go through a day without Christ being spoken into their life.

Can't the paint-by-numbers and the freestyle canvas hang on the same wall as a testimony to the Master Painter who created and painted both with delight? Or are we so narrow and limiting ourselves of God's power to work through both? Aren't we aware that onlookers don't even want to come to the art museum because of the mess?

It's something for each piece of art to think about.

today's highlight

2006-10-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

One final entry for today before I go to bed. I know, I know...I don't write for five months and then add three entries in one day. But here's the highlight of humor for my day.

Saprina made a comment during our phone conversation today. She was reading her third graders' stories, and bemoaning an apparent lack of keeping on track and a lack of creativity. Her funniest comment was, "Okay...one boy really likes to write about underwear. He thinks it's funny - which, if you want to write about underwear, I mean it's fine. But then I get reading, and get so lost in "Underwear Epic #833", and it gets too silly and I don't know what's going on. But seriously, keep your underwear on and move on in the story."

psalm 103

2006-10-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

After I wrote the previous entry, I re-read Psalm 103 from Eugene Peterson's modernization of scripture in "The Message". I decided to add it here:

Psalm 103
A David Psalm

O my soul, bless God.
From head to toe, I'll bless his holy name!
O my soul, bless God,
don't forget a single blessing!

He forgives your sins - every one.
He heals your diseases - every one.
He redeems you from hell - saves your life!
He crowns you with love and mercy - a paradise crown.
He wraps you in goodness - beauty eternal.
He renews your youth - you're always young in his presence.

God makes everything come out right;
he puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work,
opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, he's rich in love.
He doesn't endlessly nag and scold,
nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve,
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children,
God feels for those who fear him.
He knows us inside and out,
keeps in mind that we're made of mud.
Men and women don't live very long;
like wildflowers they spring up and blossom,
But a storm snuffs them out just as quickly,
leaving nothing to show they were here.
God's love, though, is ever and always,
eternally present to all who fear him,
Making everything right for them and their children
as they follow his Covenant ways
and remember to do whatever he said.

God has set his throne in heaven;
he rules over us all. He's the King!
So bless God, you angels,
ready and able to fly at his bidding,
quick to hear and do what he says.
Bless God, all you armies of angels,
alert to respond to whatever he wills.
Bless God, all creatures, wherever you are -
everything and everyone made by God.

And you, O my soul, bless God!

observation from 103

2006-10-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

...and so I re-enter the blog world after much harassment from my dear sister, Laura, and several other friends. You see, I was happily blogging and then...LST happened. And when LST happens, NOTHING ELSE happens.

A revelation to me for the month of October is that time passes quickly and we do not cease to move with it. My Aunt Val came in April, and my parents came to visit for two weeks this month, and I realized that they are aging. None of them can hear me very well when I'm talking to them...even in the same room. My brother-in-law and oldest sister are both in their 40s. I have an 18 year old nephew, and another nephew applying for college in the fall.

I, myself, am entering my last year in this second decade of my life. A friend recently informed me that I should think of myself as past the age of "dating". Many college-years friends have been married close to a decade themselves and have multiple children. Each time an LST team comes from York, I realize they get younger...and I'm getting older. So why do I perceive myself as perpetually young?

Don't get me wrong. I am not afraid of getting older physically. I know that nothing about me is getting thinner except my hair. The other day I made faces in the mirror (yes, I'm not ashamed to admit that I make faces in the mirror when I'm by myself) and noticed that there are more lines...and their impressions last a little longer afterwards. Getting older, though, isn't negative. I want to embrace emotional, mental and spiritual maturity through whatever experiences God brings.

In Psalm 103, David speaks of man's life as being like grass which passes quickly and whose place forgets it. Do I make the most of each opportunity, then, so that my influence is lasting? What things am I saying or doing to influence generations to come? How am I impacting the lives around me through my love, loyalty and witness of Christ?

It is true that I will pass. It's also true that people will forget my existence and I won't ever be famous. I'm okay with all of that - as long as someone's great-grandchild can say that their life was changed because I shared Christ with their great-grandparent, and now there is a deeper, inexplicable love that is unbroken in their family.

the apple & the tree

2006-06-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately no, this isn't an insightful entry about Adam and Eve.

You know the saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"? Ben and Crimsen said I was like my father tonight and overreacting to an annoying situation. You see, we went to Gusto for dinner following Gaku's classical guitar concert. After waiting forever and asking TWICE for our dessert, they finally admitted that they had forgotten and would BEGIN to make it. Needless to say, we didn't end up getting dessert tonight.

To add to the sour nature, I paid 250 yen because we were in the restaurant parking lot over an hour and a half (because we were waiting for the dessert we didn't receive). It wouldn't be such a big deal, except that we had gone to Gusto a week earlier and I had the same problem of waiting when I asked for that dessert and when they finally brought it, it was burned.

I was definitely annoyed when we were leaving, and Crimsen's stream of quick-fix comments weren't doing anything to soothe me either. I just said, "Don't worry about it, I'll pay for this parking because it's the LAST MONEY Gusto will ever receive from me. I am NEVER coming back here." This is the part where my dad comes in...many restaurants and stores have fallen victim to those last words (I was with my dad the last time his shadow hit Subway's doorstep...14 years ago).

Well, it's true. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree - and that's okay with me.

a flower in the garden

2006-05-22T18:25:00.000+08:00

"When I walk through the garden, I see different kinds of flowers. Each one has a different shape, color, and lifespan. Even on the same tree, each blossom will bloom and wilt in its own time. Everything in the world around me is that way, including people's lives," Mitsuyo shared with me as we stirred sugar into our tea on Sunday afternoon.

Today is the one year anniversary of Megumi Hosoi's death. She would've been 16 years old, and a 2nd year high school student. On Saturday, Crimsen and I went to spend the day with her parents and older brother. Yesterday, following worship, we had a memorial service and then several went to visit her family. Crimsen is there again today.

Approaching this date, I have experienced a variety of feelings and thoughts. Even though I know logically the progression of the grieving cycle, every feeling and thought somehow takes me off guard. On Friday, I was annoyed. Saturday I felt sympathetic and watchful. Yesterday, I felt tired and sad.

Today I've looked at each flower that surrounds me, and I've pondered Mitsuyo's comments. Megumi's life was a short-lived flower in the garden, but it was bright and full of all the sun and water she needed.

nothing deep

2006-05-18T19:39:00.000+08:00

Do you ever have moments where you break out in hysterical laughter, but you're by yourself and if there was an onlooker, they'd think you were going insane? I had several of those moments in Hachinohe last week:

a) I received an email from my sister, who loves to shock and surprise me. Needless to say, I was sitting on the couch at the Shiozawa's house and wiping away tears of laughter.

b) I was replaying the bible study time in my mind while setting up for the LST barbeque, and thought I was going to fall over because I was laughing so hard. The minister, who can't hear, made a comment completely unrelated to our discussion (this is par for the course...) and Ben, in desperation, almost digs out his eyes and says, "I have NO IDEA what to do with that comment."

c) Watching interaction (and arguments) between Shiozawa-sensei and Shimamori-san always delight Ben and I. Shiozawa tried to put salad dressing on his pickles, but Shimamori grabbed them away and said, "They're pickles! They don't need dressing." Then she went into the kitchen, and he quickly applied the salad dressing...just as she was coming around the corner and caught him in the act. Both his action and her facial expression were unforgettable.

something

2006-05-18T19:38:00.000+08:00

something.

Ben told me "Just write something." So I just did.

the best meeting ever

2006-05-09T14:05:00.000+08:00

In battling this cold, I am feeling lag time between what I process and what's really happening. But in spite of the cold, I clearly felt God's movement amongst our prayers and conversations yesterday.

I'll be very direct in saying that I usually dread the monthly meetings in Ibaraki. It has absolutely nothing to do with the people - the main reason I go is because I LOVE those people and want to see them and spend time with them. I feel like I have so much to learn from them, and just appreciate their fellowship. But the fact that we meet and repeatedly discuss maintenance-mode items on our day off nags at my core.

Yesterday was different. To begin with, 12 brothers and sisters traveled from Ibaraki to Sendai because one of the ministers mentioned that we always make the trip down there. It didn't make any sense to me at the time why ALL OF THEM would come up here instead of us going there, but it spoke volumes of love. Secondly, the discussion following Noguchi-sensei's devotional thought was immediately applicable to our work and challenges we face. Thirdly, the meeting itself was amazingly short (just an hour) and the remainder of the time was spent sharing about past strengths and weaknesses in the Japanese mission, and seeking God's vision and guidance for the future. It was a wonderful mix of the practical nitty-gritty with thinking outside of the "box" about the future. Finally, it seemed like prayer permeated every step.

Once again, I felt strongly the need to press "Re-start" on any previous conceptions of where I should go or what I/we as a team should do in the future of this work. Yesterday was answer to my prayer asking the Lord to begin anew His work within me.

Lord, I recommit my heart and my plans to You. Thank you for your evident power at work within us. Help us to be obedient servants, and continue to fan the flame of joy and a willing spirit to be your worshippers and disciples of Jesus.

team time

2006-05-06T19:15:00.000+08:00

Before Ben left for his week in the states, he and Crim and I had a special day at DisneySea in Tokyo. It wasn't restful, but we had SO MUCH FUN and will be a time I'll treasure.

Crimsen and I have had some incredible conversations on our many recent road trips. I am going to miss her so much when she goes back to America for a year in September - I never run out of things to talk about with her. Jon and I have also had some rich relationship moments at the empty coffee shop in the church. I have been so thankful. I really missed Ben while he was away and realized how God has blessed me with his friendship. I prayed fervently for his time in America. Michiko and I had a couple of connecting moments - especially on the Sunday of the church meeting.

Thank you, God, for my team.

hitachi christian camp

2006-05-06T19:06:00.000+08:00

Okay - I admit it. I wasn't really excited about going to camp the week preceeding the event. I had heard too many horror stories of the camp's "ghetto" nature, and I've been overworked. My main motivation for going was: a) I respect and love Marlin & Jeanne Ray and felt it was a way I could show my love; b) "our kids" (the Ibaraki youth...at least some of them) were planning to go; c) I kept telling myself that it would lead to a greater relational connection with other Japanese Christians.

I am so glad I went. I will still admit that the summer and winter camps may be too much (I can't go anyways...) but I felt at home. I thought it was a GREAT camp, and I have so much respect for those who have worked so hard and given so much to create such a great ministry place for young and old alike.

There were three highlights of the camp: a) laughing with and spending time with Eichi, including an unforgettable prayer time; b) many hours of "talk time" with Jeanne in the kitchen; c) connecting with Gae, a Christian from Thailand doing a year-long missionary internship in Japan.

a day at the park

2006-05-06T19:03:00.000+08:00

Rusty and Laura Campbell graciously opened their home, family and individual lives to me while I was in Ibaraki this last week. We shared some good conversations, but more than that, they gave me a place for some space and quiet.

We spent a day at a park near the sea in Hitachi. There was a garden full of over 30 thousand tulips. It was a day full of reflection and wonder at God's creation.

finding community at the barbeque

2006-05-06T18:55:00.000+08:00

April 29th was a national holiday in Japan - "Midori no hi" (literally, Green Day). The churches in Japan gather to have a day of worship and fellowship together. This year, Joe Betts gave his farewell speech to the churches and left us with vision for the missional future of Japan. Crim, Judith and I taught the Jr & Sr High kids. As we drove away, Crimsen said, "Last year, it was here that I really felt like we are a part of the Japanese church family. This is where I feel most connected." I agree.

This year, following the big event, Crim & I were invited to Mike and Tomoko McLain's home for a barbeque with their family and four other families. It really was one of the biggest blessings of the month for me. So many conversations, so many relationships - I felt renewed, accepted and appreciated. I really am a part of this community.

a reflection of april 2006

2006-05-06T18:44:00.000+08:00

April is traditionally the time when things begin to pick up speed for the summer. During this month last year, we thought we were (actually, we WERE) losing our minds in preparation for the YC choir mission and LST and FriendsCamp. But this year, February and March seemed busier - especially during the final week of March when we had 5 youth from Ibaraki. I was tired by the time my relatives arrived in Sendai on April 4th.

My aunt and 2 cousins came to spend almost 3 weeks with me. Do you ever have that nagging feeling of frustration with yourself because you can't give more than you want to? That summarizes my feeling for the first week or so they were here. Finally, the Lord helped me to release that feeling into His hands and enjoy the last few days. I cried really hard after Aunt Val and Tiffany left. I enjoyed my visit with Tiff - she's so easy to get along with, and I realized how much fun we shared as kids. I was also sad because I love my dear aunt so very much, and I know she loves me and is proud and supportive of me even though it hurts her to have me so far away.

It was also the month of celebrating Joe & Ruth Betts' 50 years of missionary service in Japan. I don't know why I'm sometimes timid to say that deep down I desire to have a missionary service span like them. In 46 years, I wonder if I'll reread this blog and discover that this was a pipedream of a 28 year old or if it was something that God planted in my heart and was preparing for me?

i get the message...

2006-05-06T18:38:00.000+08:00

It's been more than a month again since I've had a chance to make a blog entry. It's not a lack of desire to reflect or share, it's a lack of time and discipline. There are so many things I want to share about the last month and a half. As I write this, I am battling a major cold that has pretty much knocked me over and brought my life to a screeching hault. This is a sign that I'm working too much, and neglecting rest, free time and time for necessary reflection and prayer. Okay God, I get the message.

from observation to interaction: watage & the gospel

2006-03-16T23:26:00.000+08:00

I began this morning as an observer.

Sitting at the top of the hill in my lawn chair, I worked on new information for Let's Start Talking. From above, I looked out over both soccer games and I could see the ACTION of the people.

Later, I moved down towards the net and stood. Still watching at some distance, I could see the INTERACTION of the people - passing the ball back and forth, cheering each other on, looking for an open spot to pass.

A little later still, I sat down inside the court. Over time, different kids sat beside me or around me. Sometimes I watched or talked, mostly I listened. This time I could see a little more in the HEARTS of the people.

Some of the kids wanted to be near. Some wanted to practice their English or break free of their shy feelings. Some desperately felt a deep need of something missing or wanting more, but couldn't give adequate words to that feeling.

When we left, I reflected. While still somewhat an outsider, today was another opportunity to move slowly from observation to interaction. I also realized that today's events paralleled a much deeper, meaningful activity.

Today I moved from being a distant observer of Christ's gospel on the paper to being an involved, interactive part of His gospel within my life and within the life of others.

Jesus, we need you and invite you to continue interacting with our lives.

a meditational thought

2006-03-02T13:37:00.000+08:00

This month, our church is focusing on the book of Colossians in our weekly community gathering for worship. I just read this passage out of the Message, and thought it was really significant. So I want to share it today.

"Our prayers for you are always spilling over into thanksgiving. We can't quit thanking God our Father and Jesus our Messiah for you! We keep getting reports on your steady faith in Christ, our Jesus, and the love you continuously extend to all Christians. The lines of purpose in your lives never grow slack, tightly tied as they are to your future in heaven, kept taut by hope.

"The Message is among as true among you today as when you first heard it. It doesn't diminish or weaken over time. It's the same all over the world. The Message bears fruit and gets larger and stronger, just as it has in you. From the very first day you heard and recognized the truth of what God is doing, you've been hungry for more...

"Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to His will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making Him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that He has for us."

february reflections

2006-02-20T11:54:00.000+08:00

#1
To have Joel and Amanda Lock here was such a blessing to me. One week was just not long enough. By God's grace, we afforded them a breath of fresh air, a place of quiet reflection, and a home filled with love. Joel and I had time together each day. Most nights he would accompany me on my walk. One night we went to the onsen and had massages. Our time in Ibaraki was also filled with laughter (see Rusty and Laura Campbell's blog). Do you ever have those relationships with people who are like family and, regardless of the amount of time passed by, things are consistent? Joel and Amanda are those kind of people. God's blessings on them, their upcoming "family addition", and their decisions about the future.

#2
Happy Valentines Day, Debi! This is my first valentine in 10 years - and the last one (10 years ago...) wasn't so much fun if truth is to be told. Since we had to deal with being apart, we celebrated through a telephone call and flowers sent through MacNeill's Floral in York. My valentine is a good listener, a loyal friend and a kind heart. God's blessings on Debi's life, her spiritual walk and our growing relationship.

#3
Jackie Halstead just spent a week with our team in counseling and team dynamics. During my personal session, I really felt like she listened and celebrated with me. I also felt encouraged about the future. Our team time had moments of challenge and moments of breakthrough. The quiet time was difficult - I felt uneasy and distracted, so after 45 minutes, I gave up and took a nap. But later, the Lord provided another couple of hours in the day to be alone with Him. While I feel like the future is just as cloudy as before, I am more at peace with the Lord's guidance. I think I discovered that the Lord clearly wants things to be unclear and to wait upon Him. It's not always comfortable, but it's a good growing opportunity. God's blessings on Jackie - her marriage and family, her role at ACU, her variety of ministry opportunities, and her growth in practicing God's presence in her daily life.

connected to doors

2006-01-30T11:03:00.000+08:00

"So I just need to remember that 'gozaimashita' is what I say when I'm going out the door. Right. Gozaimashita is connected to doors."

This is how Debi (my girlfriend) made a Japanese language link recently. Debi and Erica came for a week - and this is one of the main reasons why I haven't blogged in a while (beforehand = preparation, here = busy, after = clean up & catch up). It was an incredibly fun and busy week. We spent a lot of time in the flower shop and Debi noticed that sometimes I said "Arigato gozaimasu" and at other times said "Arigato gozaimashita."

Every day, every experience, every conversation brings another step in the language learning process. It hasn't been something I have particularily enjoyed nor gracefully navigated through. However, two Sundays ago, Jon asked me to pray in worship and I realized it was the smoothest, most polished and heartfelt prayer I had said in Japanese. (Gotta celebrate each small victory!) I just try to remember that language is one of the keys which unlocks opportunity in deepening a relationship - that's a personally motivating factor.

Watching Debi and Erica begin that process, too, has been exciting and interesting.

his name is...

2006-01-04T14:27:00.000+08:00

...Hijiri Gideon Straker!

Hijiri (pronounced Hee-jee-ree) is his Japanese first name. The kanji (Chinese character) is usually read "Sei" and it means holy or saint. Gideon is his English (well, really Hebrew) middle name. Gideon is the name of a man in Judges 6-8, who was the least of the least in his nation but God raised him up to use him in leading Israel into an impossible battle. God, of course, had the victory.

Everyone is going to have their own story about the baby's birth and his name. (Jon and Michiko's will be most exciting and most important!) But I am excited to share with this boy some day about my experience on the day he was born. After many days of labor and 15 hours of hard labor, he finally decided to be born. It was a bit of a battle, which we didn't know until Jon came and told us afterwards (in fact, the little guy is still in ICU for a couple of days). After Jon left, Michiko's mom began to cry tears of mixed emotions.

I thought about the baby, and then shared that I was thankful for a safe delivery and for God's protection despite complications. This baby is so blessed to be welcomed into and raised by a loving, Christian family. He will have a variety of challenges to face through his life, and his birth was just the first one. The baby could do nothing except be completely dependent upon the Lord. It will serve him well in his adjustment to his family, his life as a follower of Christ in Japan and beyond. Michiko's mom nodded and smiled.

Soon after, we were invited into the birthing room to see Michiko. They shared with us the baby's name - and my heart was touched by the conversation Akiko and I had before we even knew the baby's name. Jon came over and gave me a hug. I firmly believe that a name is so much more important than how it sounds or what we like. In Scripture, it's an important parental blessing and usually reflects some kind of experience or relationship with God. Hijiri Gideon Straker - what an incredible, appropriate name!

Please keep praying for Hijiri Gideon while he stays in ICU for the next couple of days. We won't be able to see him and hold him until he comes out. Pray, too, for Jon and Michiko as new parents, and ask for God's blessing on the Strakers, Umeharas and our mission team as we gladly receive this new boy. For Crim, Ben and I, he's not our son, but he is our baby. We love him already!!!

it's a boy!

2006-01-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

Jon and Michiko haven't settled on the name yet (at least enough for us to publicly announce it), but at 5:55 PM, the Lord blessed us all with the birth of a 7 lb 7 oz baby boy. We haven't met the baby yet, but Michiko looked GREAT (especially after DAYS of labor).

Things for which I'm thankful today: hugging Jon and having him be relaxed to cry, seeing Michiko so chipper, being with Michiko's mom (a woman of strong faith) almost the whole day, singing for and praying in the presence of the doctor/nurses/woman in labor next door, announcing the birth of a long-awaited baby.

There will be more later. My heart sings with joy and thanksgiving to the Lord.

just waiting...

2006-01-02T16:32:00.000+08:00

I was awakened by a call from Jon at 9:30 yesterday morning saying that they wouldn't be joining us for worship because they were at the hospital. The other three of us went to worship and spent time in prayer with our church family and eating lunch, before coming home for a nap. Jon called again at 6:30 and asked for a cooler full of ice and water, and dinner for himself. Crim and I took along snacks, cards, and Lord's Supper for he and Michiko. We visited with them for as long as Michiko could stand - and she looked great for a woman in labor!

All day today we've been playing the waiting game. Still no baby. We're praying that the Lord will bless Jon, Michiko and the baby with a delivery sooner than later. We keep getting emails and calls expectant about the baby's birth. Still no news. But we are ready to welcome Baby Straker.

yesterday and today

2005-12-31T14:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I woke up to Ben's waking himself from a dream and getting a drink of water. I partially sat up and he said, "Happy, happy-happy-happy birthday, happy-happy birthday-birthday!" I smiled, said thanks and laid back down. We both went back to sleep, until the phone rang when my sister called to wish me a happy birthday.

Throughout the day, each person made attempts to make me feel appreciated and loved. Crim and Ben were very attentive, and Crimsen made raspberry pancakes for breakfast. They both treated me to a curry dinner and gave me some nice gifts. Michiko tried to have the baby on my birthday, but it was a false alarm. I just felt appreciative of the fact that she tried (smile). She and Jon also gave me a nice gift and the five of us, Judith and Makiko (Michiko's friend) went bowling. The funniest part was that I not only lost but bowled one of the worst games. But I didn't care - I was just happy to be with everyone. Judith made me butter tarts, which served as the cake on which were placed the candles I received in my mountain of gifts from my girlfriend, Debi. Other friends in Japan and North America sent email, cards and warm wishes. I finished the day by talking with my parents and hearing about the day I came into the world, and then talking with beautiful Debi. (I even got to talk to Debi's mom for a few minutes for the first time.)

I also reflected about my birthday last year. The Hosois made a big deal about it and invited us to their home for a meal which I know Kiyomi spent hours preparing. That was one of the last extended periods of time I spent with Megumi before she was killed in May this year. I felt sort of melancholy, but tried not to show it to everyone else.

Today is New Year's Eve. Every year we have a tradition of greeting the New Year with the Saito family. They are not christians, but they are like our relatives with whom we spend time. They have been very good to us and caring for us since our move to Japan. Crimsen has been busily preparing a lasagna, Ben is making some chili and I have been baking pumpkin bread to take along. Without a doubt, they are busily preparing for our arrival, too, and we'll probably start eating as soon as we arrive and won't stop until we leave at 1:30 or so in the morning.

It's the end of 2005. It's time to say goodbye to one year, and just as quickly greet a new year. What will the Lord accomplish this year? What will be our joys? Our sorrows? How will each of us grow and change? I want to love people more. I want to love God more. I want to learn to receive God's love more. Happy New Year, everyone.

from one countdown to the next

2005-12-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

My teammates both revel in and make fun of the fact that I'm the "countdown king" - always knowing the exact number of days until whatever event I'm looking forward to. For example, tomorrow is Crimsen's birthday. It's four days until my birthday, five until New Year's Eve and 22 days until Debi and Erica (my girlfriend and Ben's girlfriend) come to visit us in Sendai.

I've been counting down the days until Christmas since American Thanksgiving. We are big on Christmas tradition in this household - and as soon as American Thanksgiving has finished, the Christmas decor comes out and at least one entire day is devoted to transforming our home into a Christmas wonderland. The large Christmas tree, the candycane border, the warm garland, poinsettias and the prominently displayed Nativity set with a wooden star that hangs over it saying "I am the light of the world" all help in greeting our guests from year to year.

Christmas Day fell on a Sunday in this year's calendar, and the church in Sendai decided to use the opportunity to host a time of worship and celebration afterwards. All of the songs shared the progression of the biblical account of Jesus' birth and Ben's sermon focused on Isaiah 9 and John 1. Our party was simpler, but more fun than usual. However, this didn't allow for us to celebrate Christmas in "our way", so we decided to make Sunday night OUR Christmas Eve, and to spend today as OUR Christmas. Judith traveled from Hitachi to help complete "our family" and her friend, Chihiro also joined us.

Last night, we played games, laughed and talked, and ate summer sausage, cheese, crackers, fried chicken, veggies and cookies. Ben issued in a new tradition and insisted we watch his new favorite movie, "Elf". This morning, we took it slow and called family in North America to share our love for them and to wish them a Merry Christmas. Jon and Michiko returned around noon today, and then we emptied our stockings, opened gifts and had more time to relax. Our gift opening lasted 2 hours as we each took turns opening a gift or watching someone open a gift - several warm, thankful moments. Crimsen and I prepared our regular fanfare for our Christmas feast (turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potatoes, carrots, corn, green bean casserole, rolls, orange jello salad, cranberries, pickles and olives, pumpkin pie with whipped cream, apple pie and...(my favorite) Christmas trifle). Jon carved the turkey beautifully and made coffee throughout the day. Judith, Ben and Chihiro cleaned up, and Michiko managed not to have the baby today (I'm hoping the baby will come in four days for my birthday!). We closed the evening by reading "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" (lots of laughs and tears) and watching Miracle on 34th Street. Chihiro reveled in the fact that we laughed and cried so hard while we read the book...even though we read it every year.

I love Christmas. I love the delight in people's eyes when they open gifts, and the tears that are shared in the meaningful moment of a giving and receiving of a gift. I love the memories we create, and the enjoyment of relationships shared and deepened. I love the fact that we have an opportunity to share about Jesus - a message of hope, joy, love and salvation for our world. Isaiah began a countdown for Jesus, one that Simeon confirms has happened as he gleefully holds the Messiah child and proclaims that this child will be The Light. As this year's Christmas comes a close, a new countdown has begun within our family. Perhaps the GREATEST moment for today was placing my hand on Michiko's stomach and feeling the baby hiccup in the womb. Somehow, the excitement and sense of hope about Jesus' birth seems so much more real as we wait for the Straker baby to become a part of us.

Every year, we celebrate a kept promise and countdown the days in expectation of the next fulfilled promise. Until then, Merry Christmas!

the barber and the barber chair

2005-12-20T22:25:00.000+08:00

Barbers have an amazing way of being some of the best conversationalists on the planet. They seat the customer and then refer to their rolodex of questions that create a kind of trust relationship. The person in the chair is put at ease, and begins to talk freely. Growing up, my dad always took me to see "Freddie" who remembered exactly how I liked my hair cut, and remembered every detail of whatever conversation we've ever had. Even now, if I get my hair cut while visiting my folks, I go see Freddie and it's like he's my nextdoor neighbor whom I see on a daily basis.

Today Ben and I got our hair cut after lunch (we have to look HOT for our girlfriends, who come to visit in 28 days...not that I'm counting!). When I sat down in the chair, the lady came over and I volunteered information about my girlfriend coming to visit. She surprisingly took the conversation deeper into my thoughts about marriage relationships and about divorce. For the rest of the hair cut, I mostly listened (interspersed with questions) as she talked about her divorce, her 4 yr. old son and his lack of a positive male role model, her family and more. Then there was silence. The opportunity for someone to open up like this left me in awe. Then I prayed quickly before initiating the conversation again.

"May I ask you a personal question?" With a little trepidation, she looked directly into the mirror towards my eyes and nodded. "I'm a Christian, and when I pray each day, I would like to pray for you and your son. I know you need wisdom and courage - and I know that you want to have a good relationship and good communication with your son. Would that be okay?" Her eyes communicated so much as she melted. "You would really do that?" she asked. "Yes - it's my joy," I replied. "I would really appreciate it."

As we drove away, and for the rest of the day, I've been thinking non-stop about my barber and her son. I still can't believe that such a great opportunity to listen and to pray for someone opened up. Today I was physically sitting in the barber chair, but I think God allowed me to be the barber.

mission and worship

2005-11-22T19:28:00.000+08:00

Since the church planting conference, several things have been swimming around in my head and heart. I feel like I was able to share some of that with my team during our weekly devotional and meeting today. We closed by singing a song together, and I realized that the words reflect what I've studied and what has consumed my thoughts recently. Today, I want to include that song into my blog:

Father in heaven, how we love You!
We lift Your Name in all the earth.
May Your Kingdom be established in our praises,
As Your people declare Your mighty works.
Blessed be the Lord God Almighty,
Who was, and is, and is to come.
Blessed be the Lord God Almighty,
Who reigns forevermore.

sometimes you just have to...

2005-11-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

So...we walk into Tokyo Interior to kill some time on our day off, right? (Believe it or not, it WAS Ben's suggestion.) We had just finished dropping off Crimsen at the airport as she abandons us for 3 weeks of pure joy and great food in her homeland. Anyhow, we try out several sofas, comment on ugly decorations and laugh at a variety of things. But perhaps the funniest moment was one that I could foresee wasn't going to end well. Our cellphones double as a remote control. Ben decides to change the channel on a tv in a display...and I thought, "He won't be able to get it back on the right channel..." Needless to say, we quietly and hastily left the area...only to get outside and laugh. Sometimes you just have to be a kid.

the gathering

2005-11-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

We had a unique opportunity today. Worship centered on the Lord's Supper - it's history through the Passover and Seder meal, the gospel shift, and closing with Revelation 5. Ben and Rumiko worked for hours to prepare a document in Japanese that people could read today and take home with them.
I helped prepare the bread. While working the dough, I recalled as a child standing beside my mother as she prepared the bread for the church at Ontario Street. She would lightly crease the bread's center in the shape of a cross - easy to break - but also symbolic of Jesus' own experience. With a fork, she poked holes in the top of the bread. "This is like Jesus' body being pierced by the sword and his skin being broken by the whips." As I made the bread, I began praying and realized I was having a time of communion with the Lord while preparing for the communion with the church. My mother must've had some rich devotional time as she repeatedly made the bread herself.
Gathered around a table, facing each other, people were obviously disoriented by the different seating arrangement. As we eased into the time of worship, we flowed through hymns and prayers and a series of scriptures from John, Exodus, Luke, Psalms, Titus and Revelation. Each person received a quarter of a loaf and a full glass of grape juice and we shared in the Lord's Supper together. It was a rich experience. Somehow, I felt more connected to the church that began almost 2000 years ago.

the most extraordinary cheeks

2005-11-17T13:16:00.000+08:00

Of all my nephews and nieces, as a child, David had the most delicious chubby cheeks. The cute little boy with doey eyes would call to me ("Uncle Dee-dee" was his version of "Uncle Joelie") looking for some cuddles. Today he's sixteen, but as affectionate as ever. Today I want to wish David a happy birthday.

if I could freeze this moment in time

2005-11-17T12:54:00.000+08:00

Do you ever have an experience that you wish you could keep clearly forever? In our guys' class last night, it was Yasuhiro's turn to teach the class. He shared about Haiti and did an excellent job. He gave a very thorough, informative overview of the nation and it's history and current situation. But it was the ending that was best.
This summer, he saw a show about 3 brothers in Haiti who were essentially orphans. Their mother died and their father was abusive, so they ran away in order to stay alive. Moved by their perspective on life, their compassion for others, and their refusal to become bitter amidst difficult circumstances, Yasuhiro shared the story and was obviously fighting back tears as he told it to us. The biggest impact was one of the brother's decisions to forgive his father and to attempt a healed relationship between them.
I silently prayed that God will open another door for me to share about His forgiveness through Christ for us. I felt my heart leap as I realized yet again a deeper level and stronger bond of friendship forming between the five of us (Gaku, Yoshinori, Yasuhiro, Ben and I). I thanked God for our upcoming trip to South Korea. I wished I could've frozen that moment in time.

caught between simon and the woman

2005-11-15T21:17:00.000+08:00

So much has happened since my last entry - the basic summary being the CPI (church planting) conference in Hakone, the festival/concert at Ochanomizu church (in Tokyo), visiting the Nakano family and the preachers meeting. Perhaps I'll take a few days to reminisce about each aspect. But today I want share about the thought that continues to echo in my heart and mind daily since last Wednesday.
Josiah Bancroft, one of the main speakers at the conference, focused his morning lesson on Jesus' visit to Simon the Pharisee's house. I've sat through MANY sermons...some of them have even been very good. But do you ever have those times when Truth digs down deep into your heart and touches the core? I wiped tears away as God used this man to convey the message into a real experience, though I've read it several times.
He led us through a discussion group exercise where we compared Simon and the woman. He asked the question, "What should have been Simon's response to Jesus?" and also, "If you could choose to fill your church with one or the other, which would you choose - Simon? the woman?" Perhaps the greatest point, though, was that he shared the thought that many of us, at our conversion, identify with the woman but as we continue in our christian walk, we shift towards Simon. How very true.
I guess I find myself somewhere between Simon and the woman. It's disconcerting, and yet very real. While my feelings are still raw, I find myself drawn to read and re-read the story. I continue to contemplate various aspects of this story...so much so that I feel like I've written lots of words and said little in this entry.
Lord, help us as your people to be a repentant people. When you give us opportunities to see you, as you gave Simon when Jesus was with him, please remove the scales from our eyes and allow us to see you clearly. Help us, like the woman, to seek you with our whole hearts. Heal your church, Lord, and use us as conduits of your love.

today's progression

2005-11-03T23:04:00.000+08:00

When the day started, I was feeling like a bear. I began this blog with "the optimistic viewpoint". Well, had I read it this morning, I would've told myself to shut up. It wouldn't have mattered what happened today, I was going to be annoyed by it.

Here are some highlights that God planted in the day to pull me from my angry-bear-self:

1: Hearing Debi's voice - my incredible girlfriend called me, and we only had ten minutes to talk, but she said "I wanted to hear your voice before I go to sleep tonight." It doesn't matter what kind of bad day a person is having...when the beauty of your life calls and you hear her voice, you know the day just got better.

2: Mei - is there a cuter Japanese baby girl? Her winning smile and chubby cheeks say it all.

3: Chopin concert - okay, it was a little long...but I got to immerse myself in a beautiful piano recital that featured one of our LST friends, Sachiko, during today's national holiday (Bunka no Hi = Culture Day).

4: Bn'B -tonight's class was hands-down the best class we've had this fall. We studied John 10:11-30, where Jesus identifies himself as the Good Shepherd. It's an intimate passage for those of us who belong to Him. Introducing that idea to people is one of my favorite things to do as a missionary. We asked the class who they identified themselves with in the story. Chihiro and Chiyo are the 2 non-christians who continue to amaze Ben and I with their responses. Tonight Chiyo said, "I'm a sheep, but not Jesus' sheep yet. When I come here, I have time to learn about Jesus. As a sheep, I am afraid of the wolf, Satan, and I know that I need Jesus' love and protection. Some day I hope to be one of his sheep."

Need I say more?

turning eleven

2005-11-02T13:51:00.000+08:00

Sage turns eleven tomorrow. When I think about her, I remember her dad telling her as a child that God put her eyes in her head upside down. I think about her sense of humor and her laugh, and the ritual inside joke during our phone conversations: "Hey Sage, do you want a sahn-wije (sandwich)?"

Sage turns eleven tomorrow. On my last visit, I realized she's growing up. Her hair is getting longer, and she's looking more like a young teen. She didn't want to cuddle like a kid anymore. I was sad. "Just a glimpse of parenthood," I told myself. But her laugh is still my favorite thing about her. She's growing up in a way that makes me proud. We made her campaign posters for student government president. She tells her mom that she'll look after her when she's old. You can always count on her help with meal preparation and house cleaning.

Sage turns eleven tomorrow. Happy Birthday, Sagie.

salt & pepper

2005-10-30T17:13:00.000+08:00

Ben and I just returned from our monthly jaunt to Hachinohe - it's always a beautiful drive, but the autumn leaves made this trip especially enjoyable. I look forward to this time every month, especially the protected time with Ben on the trip up and back.

We've lovingly named the retired minister and his housekeeper, "Salt and Pepper". His name has the kanji (Chinese character) for salt...and when you think of salt, don't you think of pepper? Anyhow, I could write a whole book about these two - their character, mannerisms, perspectives and faith are so interesting. I have learned so much from simple meal-time conversations shared with them. They are both older - she is in her late 60s and he is hovering around 80, I think. They share their life, their heart and their home with us. It's always a life-giving experience.

Lord, I want to be Your salt of the earth, and to serve tirelessly as Salt and Pepper have done. Give me the openess of heart, mind and soul if I am blessed with age like them.

the persimmon tree

2005-10-27T12:49:00.000+08:00

Every year, a new tree in our yard seems to get my full attention. This year, it's the persimmon tree. Standing tall with rounded, orange fruit near the top, the leaves scream reds, oranges and yellows. The leaves typically fall quickly, so one must pay close attention to the short-lived, fanciful display.

While looking at the tree the other day, I meditated on a passage from Psalm 116: "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." That sentence somehow both haunts me and comforts me. I reflected on the deaths we've faced recently, and about life's cycle. The seasons and nature echo this pattern. I also thought about how some people are like the persimmon - bright, but short lived. Some are like our large maple -the last to go; the brightest and most beautiful at the end. Some favour our pine - always green.

Thank you, God, for the lesson of the persimmon tree this week.

the optimistic viewpoint

2005-10-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

Everything about today's church gathering was difficult - a seemingly shallow offering of praise, an unmet craving for a larger community of faith, and distraction coupled with a personal inability/failure to give selflessly to others by listening, serving, loving. These raw experiences, if left unchecked, would lead to self-pity. But...

Aki was in our midst. I know better than to ignore the "rollercoaster" history, but I also know that she HASN'T given up yet. True hope. She journeys back to the Father and the community of faith. She shares brokeness with us - a healthy dose for those that tend towards the sterile, outwardly well-kept faith.

Takako wiped tears away as she shared about reading "Purpose Driven Life" with her ailing mother and another elderly member, Eiko. "God draws us closer in our hurt and suffering," she said. How does God do it? How does He work in one's heart to transform hurt into a wounded healer of others?

Clear answer to prayer was that Mai worshipped and fellowshipped with us today. I feel so out of touch with her faith journey, but I almost cried because her presence relieved the ache of longtime absence. It served as a reminder that as she is precious to the Lord, so is she precious to me and to this community.

Even lacking the experience of intimacy with God for which I desired, I feel in awe of His obvious working.